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no1nerd

Me with all the walls down

Month

September 2015

TURNING UP FOR A NERD

WARNING: This post relates only to slightly socially awkward, observers of life like myself. Bear with me and this lame expression of my frustration.

Sorry,-I-m-Not-Good-At-People-ing-T-Shirts

So, tonight, I decided to step out of my comfort zone for a bit. MY FIRST MISTAKE.

I went to celebrate with a pal of mine. It was fun. There were pictures, cake and everything went fine. It was fun. Too early, I left to go to another party. MY SECOND MISTAKE.

I knew it wasn’t my scene even before I got to the room. It was dark, with red and gold spot lights and it was noisy. Walking in, I was met with faces that I had seen so many times but which I had avoided talking too. I regretted not talking to them then.

awkward

The music was blasting from somewhere at the side of the room and I took my place at the other side, with the other onlookers.

Then I was asked to dance. I should’ve refused and I did for a while then I gave in. MY THIRD MISTAKE.

I knew it wouldn’t end well. Why did I bother? I should have just sat there by myself, doing nothing.

The dance floor was way too hot and filled with people that I didn’t know. There was someone behind me and someone in front of me. Every second, I had to push some jerk’s hand off my waist. I detested it. I felt suffocated. I felt violated.

Violated 01

I still feel violated. I can still feel the imprint of everyone’s hands on me. I didn’t feel like myself and I never want to go through such a thing again.

LESSON LEARNT- don’t try to go too far out of your comfort zone. I mean it’s fine once in a while but be true to yourself. So many people love to party and love to ‘turn up’ (which is a slang for party where I’m from) but I’m not one of them. My idea of a good time is settling down, Indian style in front of a big screen watching reruns of NCIS with a tub of ice cream. Yah, I know. I’m lame.

awkward specialty

So back to lesson learned

#1 Be true to yourself

#2 Don’t attend a party where you don’t know at least half the people invited

#3 Don’t drink the punch or water. It’s probably not punch or water

#4 Never go alone

#5 Get in and get out as fast as you can.

#6 Afterwards, wash the crazy off you and treat yourself with ice cream and NCIS reruns.

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NO FEAR

no-fear

Lately, I’ve been thinking of all the things I want to do. I want to write, I want to make a living out of helping people, I want to make a movie… For as long as I remember I’ve had these dreams in my mind, sheltered, safe. I can’t count the number of story ideas I have swimming in my head but whenever I sit down with a pen and paper- or behind a screen, I’m paralyzed with the thought that I won’t make it. It’s like a niggling voice at the back of my mind, telling me that whatever I write will be no good. Then I push myself from the computer- or toss the paper and pen- and go watch NCIS. I still had those dreams but as long as I didn’t make a move towards making them reality then I could convince myself that I was good. I didn’t want any other person’s opinion but mine. I told myself that I wasn’t a coward, that I could do it- that I would do it. I gave myself excuses. It’s not the right time… Ive got so much to do… I need a new laptop first. It was utterly ridiculous. What I didn’t realize- or what I ignored was that by not doing anything, I was giving fear the chance to rob me of my dreams.

dream

That’s what fear does to us. It deceives us by wrapping us in a bubble where we’re safe from rejection or hurt, where our dreams can remain coated with stars without the harsh stain of reality blackening it.

FEAR is not our friend but a prison. It keeps us from doing so many things. Think about it. If we weren’t scared of heights, we could have scaled mount Everest by now or sky dived over the Atlantic. If we weren’t afraid of water, maybe we could’ve gone scuba-diving to the bed of the ocean where all kinds of beautiful things exist. We could’ve discovered a new kind of aquatic flora. Who knows?

So this is what we need to do with fear. We need to kick it in the rear end and toss it out the window. A life lived in fear is not worth living at all. We need to take baby steps. Instead of climbing the rather intimidating Mount Everest, how about we start by taking the elevator or getting on a roller-coaster. Instead of jumping right into the ocean, we can start by wading our feet in the shallow end of the swimming pool. We need to focus on the positive and have faith. Yeah, you could fall or drown but you could also have the best time.

Me? I started this blog. This is my small step towards expressing my creativity. And yes, I know that I could fail but I’ve decided not to let that bother me anymore. This is what I want to do.

So join me and abandon fear or at least don’t let it tell you what you can and can’t do.

Think about what you would do right now, if you couldn’t get hurt. Now go ahead and do it.

Overcoming-Fears-and-Accepting-Tears-C

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HELLO WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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