So it’s been months now since I talked about the life-defining exam I was set to take. Well, that exam was over several weeks ago. Why didn’t I post anything?
Well, on one hand, I found myself bogged down by laziness. Which made it very easy to slip into former habits. These days, I wake up, eat, walk around my house aimlessly in my jammies, watch t.v, get bored of TV, walk around aimlessly again, have a belated bath, read a few chapters of a novel, walk around aimlessly, eat, bicker with my sister then stare at the ceiling until I fall asleep.
As one would guess, I’m out of this galaxy bored.
Another reason I couldn’t write anything post-able, even when I was bored enough to jump off my balcony was that I was going through a significant change.
I love change. In fact I thrive on it and all things have to change eventually. But in between the old conditions and the new conditions, there is always this in between period where you’re still trying to figure out your new circumstances, where you’re still trying to adjust to the change. You’re trying to forget the old routine and get used to the new ones. In this sort-of-transition phase, it’s easy to become adrift, to not know who you are anymore.
Yeah, this is where I am, where I’ve been.
So many things have happened in the last 7 weeks. Lost some friends, gained some friends, reconnected with old friends and bickered with new enemies.
To top it all off, I’m moving dorms.
That last was a last minute decision. I was always going to move but I had been putting it off for months. My current dorm room used to be a home away from home for me, a place where I can be me, express my weirdness and super annoying qualities. Now, I can barely breathe in there. The air is always so tense nowadays. I guess that’s what happens when 6 girls are crammed into one place. There are definitely going to be some issues. And because we’re girls, we just walk around the giant elephant in the room and pretend like nothing’s wrong. I can’t handle that. So I figured since everything else in my life was changing, why not just take it all the way and just move.
Since I’ve been in this transition period, I’ve found myself increasingly angry and irritated which means I find myself writing for long periods, venting. Unfortunately, none of what I write is any good and I always delete it. It’s just my therapy.
Well, at this point, I’ve kind of just accepted that if life informed us of every curveball it was going to throw our way, then the game won’t be worth playing. Change can never be prevented or even managed. The best we can do is to just roll with it.
What I learned these past weeks.
I’ve learned that when what used to be your life begins to fall to pieces around you, it helps to cling to the constants in your life.
For me, those would be the loving annoyingness of my family (yes, my siblings will always be there to bicker with), the Friends that did survive the change (and those would be my true friends), the comfort of cold ice cream on a hot day (or a cold day, or a windy day, or a stormy day- who cares, it’s ice cream!), the magic of a beautifully told story and so much more.
These are my constants and over the past weeks, I’ve learnt to appreciate them more, especially my family and those friends that stuck around (you’d be surprised how many would turn to bitches without a reason). Oh, and ice cream too!!!
It’s also helpful to project your spirits outwards. Rather than constantly thinking about how unfair life is to you, focus on doing something nice for someone else. Maybe lend a listening ear to a struggling friend or encourage sick strangers in the hospital. Whatever it is, it will help distract from your own problems and when you get back to thinking about you, you’d see that your problems aren’t even that big.
I don’t know how many of you are going through major changes like break-ups, divorce, breaking families. But don’t get too wrapped up in how bad you have it. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. I know it’s easier said than done but try. Cling to your constants and project your spirits outward, rather that inwards.
It’s not the end of the world, I promise.