If you read the last post, colournote series #1, you’ll know that I’m cleaning out my colournote which is like a notepad app where I write down ideas and more importantly, where I dump down all those feelings that are too messy to talk about with people. So because of my packrat-ish nature, I’m averse to just deleting the notes because… well, because they’re a part of me. So instead, I decided to refurbish a few of them and turn them into not-so-good blog posts. So while you read this, you’re delving into the recesses of my mind where few have dared to enter and even fewer survive.
You’ve been warned.
WAR by no1nerd
People will spite you
They’ll judge everything you do
They’ll make you out as whatever they need to,
To break you,
To make you lose your confidence,
To get your self esteem blinking red.
You start to doubt yourself
You start to wonder exactly what you are about
You start to wonder if they’re right,
If you’re actually a nobody,
Worth nothing but the friends you have.
You start to think that everyone must think the same thing,
Even your friends,
So you avoid them.
You lose trust in everyone.
You begin to prefer your own company.
So you’re alone all the time.
You convince yourself that it’s better this way,
That you don’t care.
Eventually, you start not to.
Only a reflection of who you’d been,
Of the person you could’ve been.
At the end, in a bid to protect yourself,
You let them succeed in stealing from you
every bit of human feeling.
You let them back you into a lonely corner.
You let them take the life you had, your friends, your laughter.
You let them steal you.
That’s not winning.
You have to know that it’s a war.
Good versus Evil.
Don’t let them win.
I wrote this after an altercation with a girl in my year whose name in my head is BITCH. Name calling and insults, direct or veiled usually just roll off my back, but then she said something that really got to me and made me feel about two inches tall. At that moment, she made me insecure enough to want to withdraw from everyone else and hide but instead I pulled out my phone and angrily wrote.
In my experience, that is what happens when you let what others say get to you. You get so self conscious. Every time you see people whispering around you, you’re convinced it’s about you. Eventually, you’ll prefer to avoid people altogether.
We shouldn’t do that. We shouldn’t let people play on our insecurities. We have to remember that everyone has baggage and things they aren’t proud of. And that though they may not be many, there are people who love us for us, exactly for who we are. We owe it to those people to remain the same and to not change who we are because of a few spiteful words.
And for all those who deliver those spiteful words and try to put others down, why the hating? You forget that the world is a pretty small place and that you can’t survive on your own. One day, you’ll need help from somebody you used to dish on. You forget- Karma is a bigger bitch than you’ll ever be.
So anyway that’s War (a name which I just thought of on the fly) and I don’t know if you can tell but it wasn’t originally a poem but a jumble of words which I arranged into a poem format. And just so that it’s on record, I’M NO POET. I know next to nothing about poems. So yeah, be gentle with the criticism.