You robbed my peace.
You stole my sanity.
You burgled my identity.
You shuffled my life.
You’ve done enough, I think.
I cast you out this minute.
Out of my life, I rebuke you.
Out of my mind, I banish you.
Out of my heart, I expel you.
Leave me be.
Let my heart be free.
Let this torment be done.
Let these wounds finally heal.
I embrace liberation.
Out of incarceration,
Gilded cages with silver trappings,
An illusion created to detain me.
No more fiction.
No more fantasy.
Irrefutable, incontestable, undeniable,
Reality is not so sweet.
We embrace it anyway.
Okay, I wrote this in the spur of the moment. Yes, I know it’s not very good but the message is important.
When I wrote this, I was actually thinking of my anger and how often times, it has robbed my peace and trapped me in a bubble of self-righteousness where I believe my anger is justified and so I refuse to let go of it. In these cases, I deceive myself into thinking that I’m happy, even better than ever, living a false life and running from reality.
Then, I started to think of how this could relate to so many other things.
I know a friend of mine who used to masturbate a lot. When the urge came over her, she would convince herself that she was okay, that since it was her body, it didn’t matter. After she’d done it, she would be overcome with such guilt and she would swear never to do it again. But she would do it over and over again. See, she was trapped in this fiction that she was alright, that she had it under control, that she could stop it whenever she wanted to. It wasn’t until she reached rock-bottom, that it hit her that she was completely lost.
Or a guy who started taking drugs in high school. He started small first, testing the waters, experimenting. Then he got into it full time. He told himself and everyone else that he could control it, that he was the one in charge, not the drugs, that he could quit anytime he wanted. Then during one of his highs, he nearly stabbed his mother when she tried to snatch his drugs away. He was arrested and while sitting in the prison cell, it occurred to him how far he’d sank.
I know there are so many other people like this out there, struggling with one habit or the other. Maybe you’ve hit rock bottom and are ready to go upwards. Maybe you still think you’re in control.
If you’re in this second category, don’t kid yourself. Once you find yourself trying to justify your actions or using lines like ‘I can stop whenever I want to,’ then know you’re a goner.
If you’re in the first category, don’t lose hope. I speak from experience when I say that you can overcome this. You are made in the image of God, so you are strong. You are not worthless, you are not evil. God loves you. He does. He will give you all the strength you require to break out of that bad habit. Don’t say that there’s no point in changing. There is a point. You deserve a life filled with happiness, peace and health- and you can get it too. Just make up your mind to do so.
It won’t happen all at once. You’ll fall into temptation many times on your journey to recovery, you’ll definitely relapse but don’t ever give up. Once you have your mind set and God backing you, you’ll get there.
‘….Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I’m on
Oh Jesus, take the wheel…‘